Sometimes, more often than not actually, I feel like a total failure. A failure as a mom, a failure as a wife, a failure on my weight loss journey. The list goes on and on.
I feel like since I'm home all day that my house should be much cleaner. And I try. Lord knows I try. But it seems that at this stage in life, with a teenager, a Pre teen, and a toddler in my house, it just can't happen workout me losing every shred of sanity that I have left. And many people are quick to point out that I have 2 children that are more than old enough to help out. And you have a point there. But between their crazy school workload, and sports, sometimes it's just not worth the fight. The only time I get to clean without my little tornados coming behind me and tearing apart my progress, is after they have all gone to bed. I feel like I've failed in providing my family adequate space to come together as a family. Tonight, my youngest kiddies ate dinner on the kitchen floor while I stood at the counter eating, because my mom was at the table in the dining room doing her school work and didn't want to be disturbed. And I didn't feel like it was my place to ask her to move. What kind of mom lets her children eat on the kitchen floor? Me, I guess.
Normally I wake up extra early to make breakfast for the hubby before he goes off to work for the day. But lately, between my insomnia acting up and staying up too late, 5:00 am has come and gone with me still in bed, pulling the covers over my head. Our bedroom is also trashed, which really sucks because the bedroom is supposed to be a couples sanctuary. Ours is most definitely not.
And don't even get me started on my weight loss journey. Some days come and go and I realize while cooking dinner that I haven't eaten yet. Or haven't eaten enough. Which, as I'm well aware of, is awful for my metabolism. Most weeks as of late, paychecks have been pretty low, meaning that I can't afford the clean foods that I should be buying. I rarely have the energy to get in my workouts. (Thank God for quick circuit workouts, cuz that's about all I have in me to do.)
I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm doing the best that I can do under the circumstances that I'm in. That no matter how much I do, or don't do, I love my family. And that is what is most important, right?